Life at 27


It's been a really really long time to share a long ass post about myself these days. I've been trying to note down every little achievement or hardships I've faced, but I guess a part of me just don't feel like doing it anymore.

I'm 27 and I'm losing direction in my life.

I'm not distress over it, and I'm feeling OK with what I am having right now. I have a job with stable income, a car to drive around whenever I want, a boyfriend who cares for me, mom who loves and supports me, a sister who give me advises, a BFF who listens to my rant, and awesome colleagues with daily sitcom. All of these, can't fill the emptiness that I have for the pass few months. 

I wanted something more in life: something that gives me satisfaction in my work, something to be proud of for my own creations, something to motivate me to achieve my dreams. Sadly, everything is on halt.

"You need to chase after your dreams."
It's easy to chase after your dreams without commitments. It's easy to voice it out than action. I'm struggling to balance out my savings and expenses. If I were to go along with my dreams, I wouldn't be able to pay the amount of debt I'm having now. My debt has been piling up and it doesn't feel good at all. Reality hits me harder than I thought. My dreams couldn't cater to my debt. As much as I wanted to go after my dreams, money is my main priority now. This ends up in the situation where I'm working for the sake of money, instead of building up my career path.

"Do not let go of your Passion."
I am not giving up my passion on Esports. I am not giving up my love in video games. Certain people might think it is silly to go after the Esports industry but that is not the case. You need to see a bigger picture in this 21st Century. Everything is going towards the Digital era. Youngsters are now getting clever to make money with whatever they are doing now and what keeps me stay in my comfort zone? My self-esteem is low. I can't get out from my comfort due to this. I wanted to move forward but I'm afraid to get things done. 

I am not giving up my interests in blogging too. Yet, I'm inactive to share things out like how I used to be. The truth is, I'm slowly losing my passion in it. I kept finding excuses to not update my blog. Maybe I will need to go back to the basics: I don't give a fuck if you do want to read it, I'm just sharing it because I wanted to. But what is the point of blogging when nobody gives a shit on what your're doing now? 

"Money is what keeps you to survive."
I'm 27 and I'm fucking agree on the statement above. I'm getting older with more commitments and more responsibilities that require money. I'm getting override by money in my life and it is not easy spur out words like: Money is not a big issue. Hell, money is a freaking huge issue if you want to have a moderate lifestyle. 

"Chill. Everything is going to be okay."
I'm being told I have been spreading negative aura a lot recently. I realized that, and I know I'm not feeling healthy psychologically. I do not want to get into the depression state with all these negative thoughts in my mind. I'm not helpless, but I need someone to pull me up from this sinking hole. Telling me not to stress over something doesn't help at all. Chill and relax doesn't keep me calm at all. 

I'm 27, and I need to find ways to stabilize my mental health again. 

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  1. 3 years ago, I was kicked out of a home I've been staying for 13 years bcoz my ex suddenly fell in love with a China girl. He told lies to everyone, that it's me the problem. I lost everything, i didn't have a place to stay, i didn't have enough money to be on my own, friends I thought was "real" abandoned me suddenly, everything was going so wrong.

    I borrowed money from my dad to rent a small room to heal and think about my life. My wedding never happened since I was suddenly told to leave the house. I didn't dare to tell my family about it for several months. I just needed to get away from life.

    I thought I will never survive this, and I didn't know what to do. I prayed to God to show me the way.

    Today, I'm glad it all happened because it changed my life. Money is important, but your happiness and life is even more important. Whatever you do, if you're not happy, change.


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